Abe was fiercely independent, even at age 85, but after a mild stroke his son insisted he move in with him. Abe missed going to the park near his old apartment, and one Saturday he set out to find it.
He became disoriented and asked a young boy where it was. The boy, Timmy, said he’d like to take Abe there but didn’t have time because he was looking for God. Timmy said he needed to talk to him about why his parents were getting a divorce.
“Maybe God is in the park,” said the old man. “I’d like to talk to him, too, about why he’s made me useless.” And they set off together to find God.
At the park Timmy began to cry about the divorce, and Abe lovingly held his face in both hands and looked him straight in the eyes. “Timmy, I don’t know why bad things happen, but I know it’s not because of you. I know you’re a good boy and your parents love you and you’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Timmy gave Abe a big hug and said, “I’m so glad I met you. Thanks, I can go now.”
Across the street, Timmy’s mother saw them hug and approached her son worriedly. “Who was that old man?”
“I think he’s God.”
“Did he say that?” she demanded.
“No, but when he held me and told me I’m going to be okay, I felt better. Only God can do that.”
When Abe got home, his son asked in a scolding voice, “Where were you?”
“I was in the park with God,” Abe said.
“Really? What makes you think you were with God?”
“Because he sent me a boy who needed me. When the boy hugged me, I felt God telling me I wasn’t useless.”
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Disease of Low Expectations
The serious damage done to our economy, social institutions, and personal relationships by widespread cheating and dishonesty is bad enough. But widespread acceptance of such behavior as inevitable threatens to make our future a lot worse. In effect, our culture is being infected by a disease: the disease of low expectations.
This disorder is manifested by the corrosive assumption that human nature can’t be expected to withstand pressure or temptation. In other words, when there’s a conflict between self-interest and moral principles, self-interest – in fact, short-term self-interest – will generally prevail.
Whenever a politician lies to get elected, a student cheats to get into college, or an executive commits fraud to save a job or earn a bonus, we blame the system rather than the individual. Thus, under the influence of the disease of low expectations, an increasing army of apologists argue that both the carrot and the stick – previously thought of as valid motivating techniques – should be condemned and eliminated as corrupting influences that create irresistible pressures to cheat.
A school superintendent in Iowa once told me, “Cheating isn’t the problem; it’s the way we test.” We really can’t expect students not to cheat, he implied, especially when the stakes are so high.
I wonder whether he would be as comfortable with a similar explanation of corporate scandals: “Fraudulent accounting isn’t the problem; it’s the way we compensate executives.”
Don’t buy into this dreadfully pessimistic and perverted perspective about human nature. Cheating is wrong and harmful. Integrity is real and possible. It just takes character.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
This disorder is manifested by the corrosive assumption that human nature can’t be expected to withstand pressure or temptation. In other words, when there’s a conflict between self-interest and moral principles, self-interest – in fact, short-term self-interest – will generally prevail.
Whenever a politician lies to get elected, a student cheats to get into college, or an executive commits fraud to save a job or earn a bonus, we blame the system rather than the individual. Thus, under the influence of the disease of low expectations, an increasing army of apologists argue that both the carrot and the stick – previously thought of as valid motivating techniques – should be condemned and eliminated as corrupting influences that create irresistible pressures to cheat.
A school superintendent in Iowa once told me, “Cheating isn’t the problem; it’s the way we test.” We really can’t expect students not to cheat, he implied, especially when the stakes are so high.
I wonder whether he would be as comfortable with a similar explanation of corporate scandals: “Fraudulent accounting isn’t the problem; it’s the way we compensate executives.”
Don’t buy into this dreadfully pessimistic and perverted perspective about human nature. Cheating is wrong and harmful. Integrity is real and possible. It just takes character.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
Making and Expressing Moral Judgments
Almost every week someone indignantly attacks my integrity because I offended them with a real or perceived opinion they didn’t like. The underlying assumption is that stating an opinion on any controversial matter violates the sacred duty of neutrality.
First, I’m a teacher and a commentator, not a judge or journalist. Although I strive mightily to be objective, I don’t feel obligated to be neutral. Objectivity implies impartiality, detachment, and independence in evaluating evidence; it doesn’t preclude expressing judgment.
When I think my opinion might matter, I’ve criticized politicians of both parties; condemned shady business practices, racial prejudice, torture, and the denial of due process; and commended admirable words, actions, and moving events irrespective of political implications.
When I was young, I thought it was wrong to be judgmental, regardless of the issue. Later, I came across an observation by philosopher/novelist Ayn Rand who argued that nonjudgmentalness is an abdication of moral responsibility, an exchange of moral blank checks – I won’t judge you if you won’t judge me. Ultimately, I realized I couldn’t be a good father or effective teacher unless I made moral judgments. Now, making and encouraging you to make moral judgments is part of what I do.
But while there’s a responsibility to make moral judgments for ourselves, we need to be careful in deciding whether and when to express them.
For example, my primary goal is to prod you to deeper thinking; it’s not to persuade you to my way of thinking. I’d rather build bridges than walls. Thus, I usually keep my personal convictions to myself.
Before you express a moral judgment, therefore, ask yourself what you hope to accomplish and what you’re likely to accomplish.
My opinion: Whether we’re talking politics or instructing our kids, we should use restraint in expressing moral judgments. And we should do so in a way that promotes respect, reflection, and discourse rather than resentment, resistance, and disagreement. That’s not so easy.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
First, I’m a teacher and a commentator, not a judge or journalist. Although I strive mightily to be objective, I don’t feel obligated to be neutral. Objectivity implies impartiality, detachment, and independence in evaluating evidence; it doesn’t preclude expressing judgment.
When I think my opinion might matter, I’ve criticized politicians of both parties; condemned shady business practices, racial prejudice, torture, and the denial of due process; and commended admirable words, actions, and moving events irrespective of political implications.
When I was young, I thought it was wrong to be judgmental, regardless of the issue. Later, I came across an observation by philosopher/novelist Ayn Rand who argued that nonjudgmentalness is an abdication of moral responsibility, an exchange of moral blank checks – I won’t judge you if you won’t judge me. Ultimately, I realized I couldn’t be a good father or effective teacher unless I made moral judgments. Now, making and encouraging you to make moral judgments is part of what I do.
But while there’s a responsibility to make moral judgments for ourselves, we need to be careful in deciding whether and when to express them.
For example, my primary goal is to prod you to deeper thinking; it’s not to persuade you to my way of thinking. I’d rather build bridges than walls. Thus, I usually keep my personal convictions to myself.
Before you express a moral judgment, therefore, ask yourself what you hope to accomplish and what you’re likely to accomplish.
My opinion: Whether we’re talking politics or instructing our kids, we should use restraint in expressing moral judgments. And we should do so in a way that promotes respect, reflection, and discourse rather than resentment, resistance, and disagreement. That’s not so easy.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Teaching Our Children to Make Good Decisions.
Two young men in Florida removed a stop sign and brought it back to their fraternity house as a trophy. Shortly afterward, a fatal accident occurred at the sign-less intersection. The students were convicted of manslaughter.
In Tennessee, two teenagers were in a high-rise building. One dared the other to slide down a trash chute. His friend did so – right into a trash compactor. The one who egged him into the fatal accident was traumatized, possibly for life.
Four college fraternity students in California were charged with manslaughter when a pledge they were hazing died after they forced him to drink gallons of water.
What makes these stories all the more tragic is that we’re not talking about bad kids. We’re talking about fundamentally decent ones who made really bad choices.
The recurring nightmare of caring parents is that, during the course of growing up, their children will seriously damage themselves or others by an unwise decision. An endless array of bad consequences can result from reckless conduct to impress friends, thrill-seeking, or giving in to the temptation of drugs, alcohol, or sex. When kids get involved with irresponsible, manipulative, cruel, selfish, or simply stupid people who call themselves friends, there’s no telling what dumb things they can do.
All youngsters make foolish mistakes, as we did. Still, we can equip them with reasoning tools that can help them see and avoid really big, bad choices.
We can improve their decision-making skills by talking to them often about the importance of acting rationally, even when everyone around them seems overtaken by impulse. We can tell them stories to help them evaluate situations and anticipate potential consequences.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
In Tennessee, two teenagers were in a high-rise building. One dared the other to slide down a trash chute. His friend did so – right into a trash compactor. The one who egged him into the fatal accident was traumatized, possibly for life.
Four college fraternity students in California were charged with manslaughter when a pledge they were hazing died after they forced him to drink gallons of water.
What makes these stories all the more tragic is that we’re not talking about bad kids. We’re talking about fundamentally decent ones who made really bad choices.
The recurring nightmare of caring parents is that, during the course of growing up, their children will seriously damage themselves or others by an unwise decision. An endless array of bad consequences can result from reckless conduct to impress friends, thrill-seeking, or giving in to the temptation of drugs, alcohol, or sex. When kids get involved with irresponsible, manipulative, cruel, selfish, or simply stupid people who call themselves friends, there’s no telling what dumb things they can do.
All youngsters make foolish mistakes, as we did. Still, we can equip them with reasoning tools that can help them see and avoid really big, bad choices.
We can improve their decision-making skills by talking to them often about the importance of acting rationally, even when everyone around them seems overtaken by impulse. We can tell them stories to help them evaluate situations and anticipate potential consequences.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Doing Sports Right
When I was a kid playing sports, there were no clubs, travel teams, or private coaches. Except for summer baseball leagues, the primary place to play was high school. When I was in the 10th grade, I wanted to play basketball in the worst way.
Unfortunately, given my size and talent, that’s how I played. But in those days, sports was part of the educational program and, to accommodate every kid who wanted to play, there were four skill levels – varsity, junior varsity, B, and C teams.
I was a third-stringer on the C team. My ambition was to play in 12 quarters during the season, the minimum requirement for a letterman’s jacket.
Fortunately, the coach liked my spunk, so he’d put me in at the end of games when I could do no harm. In the last quarter of the last game, he made sure I got my letter by giving me an eight-second stint. Although I think I played less than two minutes of total game time during that season, I was part of the team and played in every practice.
Three years later, I was the only senior on the C team but I was a starter! Of all my high school achievements, none was more important than my three basketball letters.
It wasn’t just recreation for me. It was education. My sports experience strengthened my character and helped me develop important life skills including goal-setting, preparation, and perseverance. It also taught me about honor and sportsmanship.
So when you read chilling stories about cheating coaches, out-of-control fans, or spoiled athletes, don’t blame sports. Blame those who don’t do it right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Unfortunately, given my size and talent, that’s how I played. But in those days, sports was part of the educational program and, to accommodate every kid who wanted to play, there were four skill levels – varsity, junior varsity, B, and C teams.
I was a third-stringer on the C team. My ambition was to play in 12 quarters during the season, the minimum requirement for a letterman’s jacket.
Fortunately, the coach liked my spunk, so he’d put me in at the end of games when I could do no harm. In the last quarter of the last game, he made sure I got my letter by giving me an eight-second stint. Although I think I played less than two minutes of total game time during that season, I was part of the team and played in every practice.
Three years later, I was the only senior on the C team but I was a starter! Of all my high school achievements, none was more important than my three basketball letters.
It wasn’t just recreation for me. It was education. My sports experience strengthened my character and helped me develop important life skills including goal-setting, preparation, and perseverance. It also taught me about honor and sportsmanship.
So when you read chilling stories about cheating coaches, out-of-control fans, or spoiled athletes, don’t blame sports. Blame those who don’t do it right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
The Beijing Games: Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down?
There’s a lot going on at the Beijing Olympics worthy of comment and plenty of evidence to support both positive and negative assessments.
If we focus on the grand and glorious aspects of the Opening Ceremonies, the beauty of the Beijing National Stadium (the “Bird’s Nest”), the pride and enthusiasm of the Chinese people, and the astonishing athletic performances setting world and Olympic records every single day, these Games deserve a fervent “thumbs up.”
On the other hand, we could justify an equally emphatic “thumbs down” if we focus on events and attitudes that demonstrate the country’s low regard for individual freedoms, democratic principles, and basic honesty. The Games were tainted by decisions to replace a lovely little girl with a great voice with a lip-synching child thought to be better looking and to computer-enhance the fireworks display for TV. These acts fueled cynicism about the credibility of the Chinese government that is seemingly more concerned with looking good than being honest.
And though the purpose of the Olympics is to transcend politics, I don’t think we can completely ignore the inconsistency of Olympic ideals and China’s vigorous suppression of dissent or protest on any issue and their involvement in the massive genocidal actions in Darfur.
So what should we think and talk about – is the glass is half empty or half full?
It’s okay to separately admire and appreciate all the things worthy of commendation and, at another time, express disagreement and disdain for those things worthy of condemnation.
As with many things in life, we shouldn’t let beauty in some areas blind us to ugliness in others, but we also shouldn’t let ugliness in some areas blind us to the beauty in others.
At least for now, I’m going to continue enjoying these Games.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
If we focus on the grand and glorious aspects of the Opening Ceremonies, the beauty of the Beijing National Stadium (the “Bird’s Nest”), the pride and enthusiasm of the Chinese people, and the astonishing athletic performances setting world and Olympic records every single day, these Games deserve a fervent “thumbs up.”
On the other hand, we could justify an equally emphatic “thumbs down” if we focus on events and attitudes that demonstrate the country’s low regard for individual freedoms, democratic principles, and basic honesty. The Games were tainted by decisions to replace a lovely little girl with a great voice with a lip-synching child thought to be better looking and to computer-enhance the fireworks display for TV. These acts fueled cynicism about the credibility of the Chinese government that is seemingly more concerned with looking good than being honest.
And though the purpose of the Olympics is to transcend politics, I don’t think we can completely ignore the inconsistency of Olympic ideals and China’s vigorous suppression of dissent or protest on any issue and their involvement in the massive genocidal actions in Darfur.
So what should we think and talk about – is the glass is half empty or half full?
It’s okay to separately admire and appreciate all the things worthy of commendation and, at another time, express disagreement and disdain for those things worthy of condemnation.
As with many things in life, we shouldn’t let beauty in some areas blind us to ugliness in others, but we also shouldn’t let ugliness in some areas blind us to the beauty in others.
At least for now, I’m going to continue enjoying these Games.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
The Intimidating Power of Integrity
A teacher once wrote me about a parent with clout at her school who asked her to change attendance records to make her child’s record look better. The teacher said she thought long and hard about the request but eventually refused, knowing it would make the parent angry.
First, I commended her moral courage. I wish it didn’t take courage to do the right thing, especially in such a clear case as this, but in the real world people with power often retaliate when they don’t get what they want. This can make your life difficult.
Moral courage is the much-needed bodyguard of conscience and character. The personal costs of putting our integrity on the auction block are so high that we simply have to take the risk. Once we start on the slippery slope of moral compromise, it’s hard to resist the downward slide.
My first instinct was that the parent who subjected the teacher to this corrupt and corrupting request was a thoroughgoing villain, but I suspected she was a basically decent mom so intent on helping her child that she just ignored her moral brakes.
It’s wrong to ask someone to lie or cheat, though, and when it comes from someone with power, it’s even worse. Power is intimidating even when it’s not used.
But unswerving integrity can also be intimidating. Clearly improper requests deserve an immediate, firm, and dignified response that leaves no ambiguity that they’re inappropriate. Be careful not to be self-righteous, but let people who ask worry about what you think of them.
If they persist, let them – not you – worry about the consequences.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
First, I commended her moral courage. I wish it didn’t take courage to do the right thing, especially in such a clear case as this, but in the real world people with power often retaliate when they don’t get what they want. This can make your life difficult.
Moral courage is the much-needed bodyguard of conscience and character. The personal costs of putting our integrity on the auction block are so high that we simply have to take the risk. Once we start on the slippery slope of moral compromise, it’s hard to resist the downward slide.
My first instinct was that the parent who subjected the teacher to this corrupt and corrupting request was a thoroughgoing villain, but I suspected she was a basically decent mom so intent on helping her child that she just ignored her moral brakes.
It’s wrong to ask someone to lie or cheat, though, and when it comes from someone with power, it’s even worse. Power is intimidating even when it’s not used.
But unswerving integrity can also be intimidating. Clearly improper requests deserve an immediate, firm, and dignified response that leaves no ambiguity that they’re inappropriate. Be careful not to be self-righteous, but let people who ask worry about what you think of them.
If they persist, let them – not you – worry about the consequences.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Good Relationships Make a Good Life
If we interviewed 100 people who are unusually happy, I think the most prominent common denominator would be unusually good relationships.
Despite the widespread promotion of materialism and vanity in our popular culture, wealth and beauty are not enough to produce happiness. In fact, they’re not even necessary. What’s more, bad relationships – at work, at home, or among friends – are a surefire source of anguish and heartache.
For most of us, the connections that most strongly influence our level of happiness are family bonds. And the most powerful of all are at the inner core of family, especially parent-child relationships.
No matter what your age, kinship with your parents will always have a unique capacity to generate comfort or pain. Many children have ambivalent feelings about their folks. Yet most crave their approval, respect, and love. Parents have a similar need.
If you’re a parent, resolve to make more consistent and conscientious efforts to make your children feel appreciated. If you want to make their lives and yours happier, be careful to not demean or diminish their achievements and to avoid expressions of disappointment. Tell your child you’re proud to have him or her as a son or daughter.
And if you still can, give your parents pleasure by showing that you love them, not only for what they did for you as a child but for who they are now. Talk to them frequently and talk of meaningful things. Ask their advice – and don’t roll your eyes if you disagree with it. One of the best ways to express your love is through respect.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Despite the widespread promotion of materialism and vanity in our popular culture, wealth and beauty are not enough to produce happiness. In fact, they’re not even necessary. What’s more, bad relationships – at work, at home, or among friends – are a surefire source of anguish and heartache.
For most of us, the connections that most strongly influence our level of happiness are family bonds. And the most powerful of all are at the inner core of family, especially parent-child relationships.
No matter what your age, kinship with your parents will always have a unique capacity to generate comfort or pain. Many children have ambivalent feelings about their folks. Yet most crave their approval, respect, and love. Parents have a similar need.
If you’re a parent, resolve to make more consistent and conscientious efforts to make your children feel appreciated. If you want to make their lives and yours happier, be careful to not demean or diminish their achievements and to avoid expressions of disappointment. Tell your child you’re proud to have him or her as a son or daughter.
And if you still can, give your parents pleasure by showing that you love them, not only for what they did for you as a child but for who they are now. Talk to them frequently and talk of meaningful things. Ask their advice – and don’t roll your eyes if you disagree with it. One of the best ways to express your love is through respect.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Being Decisive
Frank is a new supervisor who wants to do well. Maria consistently comes in late. When he confronts her, she jokes about it. Hoping to win friendship and loyalty, Frank is painfully patient, though Pat, a conscientious employee, urges him to do more. Soon others begin to come in late, and Pat quits. Frank feels victimized by disloyal employees, but he has no one to blame but himself.
A frequent workplace complaint is waiting for the boss to make a decision or take needed action. It might be about a pending promotion, filling an open position, giving an overdue performance review, pricing a new product, or dealing with a sticky customer complaint. Whatever the issue, failure to make a decision can make big problems out of little ones. What’s more, indecisiveness can generate resentment and undermine confidence in the manager’s ability.
It was Frank’s responsibility to set the tone of the work environment. In management (or parenting, for that matter), what you allow, you encourage. As Frank learned the hard way, indecision and inaction can cause as much harm as a poor decision.
Sure, it’s important to be careful, and it’s sometimes wise to put off a decision or delay action – for instance, to get more information or buy-in, to let things cool off, or for other strategic reasons – but failing to make a needed decision is not acceptable because a manager is too busy, is avoiding an unpleasant confrontation, is hoping things will work themselves out, or is just procrastinating.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
A frequent workplace complaint is waiting for the boss to make a decision or take needed action. It might be about a pending promotion, filling an open position, giving an overdue performance review, pricing a new product, or dealing with a sticky customer complaint. Whatever the issue, failure to make a decision can make big problems out of little ones. What’s more, indecisiveness can generate resentment and undermine confidence in the manager’s ability.
It was Frank’s responsibility to set the tone of the work environment. In management (or parenting, for that matter), what you allow, you encourage. As Frank learned the hard way, indecision and inaction can cause as much harm as a poor decision.
Sure, it’s important to be careful, and it’s sometimes wise to put off a decision or delay action – for instance, to get more information or buy-in, to let things cool off, or for other strategic reasons – but failing to make a needed decision is not acceptable because a manager is too busy, is avoiding an unpleasant confrontation, is hoping things will work themselves out, or is just procrastinating.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Learn From Yesterday and Plan for Tomorrow – But Live for Today
Yesterday, I read the words of former White House press secretary Tony Snow, who died last week at the too early age of 53. He had written his thoughts about dealing with terminal cancer. His feelings about facing death in the context of his family and faith were insightful and eloquent.
Randy Pausch, a 47-year-old computer sciences professor facing similar news of incurable cancer, chose another direction. He decided to talk about his situation with his students in “The Last Lecture,” which was re-created for “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” posted on YouTube, and turned into a best-selling book of the same name.
Although the backdrop for Randy’s farewell address was his impending death, he talked with exuberance, optimism, and insight about how to live wisely and fully. He urged his students to set lofty and meaningful goals, to persevere in the face of obstacles, and to live their lives so when their time came, they would have no regrets. His message was reminiscent of the teacher in the movie Dead Poets Society whose motto was carpe diem (“seize the day”).
Tim Russert, the likable and credible TV newsman, also passed away prematurely this year. But unlike Tony and Randy, he had no opportunity to formulate a final message as he died suddenly from a heart attack, leaving it to an army of family and friends to speak of his virtues and the meaning and purpose of his well-lived life.
Few of us will leave this earth with such fanfare, but the words and examples of these special men remind us of our mortality and the preciousness of the time we have to spend with the people we love and to do work we care about. As Disraeli said, “Life is too short to be little.”
We must learn from yesterday and plan for tomorrow – but live for today.
Here are some of Randy Pauch’s observations:
• Get the fundamentals down because the fancy stuff isn’t going to work.
• We can't change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.
• Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
• The brick walls aren’t there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.
• You just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore.
• Don’t bail. The best of the gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap.
• Don’t complain. Work harder.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Randy Pausch, a 47-year-old computer sciences professor facing similar news of incurable cancer, chose another direction. He decided to talk about his situation with his students in “The Last Lecture,” which was re-created for “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” posted on YouTube, and turned into a best-selling book of the same name.
Although the backdrop for Randy’s farewell address was his impending death, he talked with exuberance, optimism, and insight about how to live wisely and fully. He urged his students to set lofty and meaningful goals, to persevere in the face of obstacles, and to live their lives so when their time came, they would have no regrets. His message was reminiscent of the teacher in the movie Dead Poets Society whose motto was carpe diem (“seize the day”).
Tim Russert, the likable and credible TV newsman, also passed away prematurely this year. But unlike Tony and Randy, he had no opportunity to formulate a final message as he died suddenly from a heart attack, leaving it to an army of family and friends to speak of his virtues and the meaning and purpose of his well-lived life.
Few of us will leave this earth with such fanfare, but the words and examples of these special men remind us of our mortality and the preciousness of the time we have to spend with the people we love and to do work we care about. As Disraeli said, “Life is too short to be little.”
We must learn from yesterday and plan for tomorrow – but live for today.
Here are some of Randy Pauch’s observations:
• Get the fundamentals down because the fancy stuff isn’t going to work.
• We can't change the cards we’re dealt, just how we play the hand.
• Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
• The brick walls aren’t there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.
• You just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore.
• Don’t bail. The best of the gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap.
• Don’t complain. Work harder.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
The More Things Change…
The minor hoopla about beginning my 12th year of these commentaries caused me to look through the archives of more than 2,500 ninety-second essays and review what’s gone on in the world and my private life since my first broadcast in 1997.
Reading my own commentaries reminded me of all the momentous events that have changed our world, our country, and my personal life.
Just consider some of the events that have made our world so different – cataclysmic natural disasters in the form of tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, and fires; Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky; sexual scandals rocking the Catholic Church; Enron and a host of unprecedented business frauds; the mortgage crisis; steroids in sports; the contest between a woman and a black man to see who would be the Democratic candidate for President; and of course the attacks of 9/11 and the aftermath (including our search for weapons of mass destruction, our invasion and occupation of Iraq, and the controversies about interrogation and detention of suspected terrorists).
Finally, think how much our culture has been changed by IMing, text-messaging, MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube.
On the personal front, I have more children and they’re older. The joys and challenges of fathering two toddler daughters then are much different as I’m now raising four girls ages 10-15. During it all, I turned 65 and transitioned into senior-citizen status.
The world is so different. Yet, when looked at from a higher level, we see the same issues. As they say, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
Although the names of our natural disasters and the people and events generating new scandals are different, our need for courage, compassion, integrity, accountability, and justice is the same.
And the toughest and most important part of my job as a dad is still to give a moral compass to my children to help them traverse through a minefield of temptations that constantly pull at them to be dishonest, disrespectful, irresponsible, or self-indulgent.
In the end, it’s still all about character.
Reading my own commentaries reminded me of all the momentous events that have changed our world, our country, and my personal life.
Just consider some of the events that have made our world so different – cataclysmic natural disasters in the form of tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, and fires; Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky; sexual scandals rocking the Catholic Church; Enron and a host of unprecedented business frauds; the mortgage crisis; steroids in sports; the contest between a woman and a black man to see who would be the Democratic candidate for President; and of course the attacks of 9/11 and the aftermath (including our search for weapons of mass destruction, our invasion and occupation of Iraq, and the controversies about interrogation and detention of suspected terrorists).
Finally, think how much our culture has been changed by IMing, text-messaging, MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube.
On the personal front, I have more children and they’re older. The joys and challenges of fathering two toddler daughters then are much different as I’m now raising four girls ages 10-15. During it all, I turned 65 and transitioned into senior-citizen status.
The world is so different. Yet, when looked at from a higher level, we see the same issues. As they say, “The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
Although the names of our natural disasters and the people and events generating new scandals are different, our need for courage, compassion, integrity, accountability, and justice is the same.
And the toughest and most important part of my job as a dad is still to give a moral compass to my children to help them traverse through a minefield of temptations that constantly pull at them to be dishonest, disrespectful, irresponsible, or self-indulgent.
In the end, it’s still all about character.
Don’t Miss the Chance
A listener got me thinking about the challenge of dealing with aging parents who become more and more needy and about the conflicts one is bound to feel. It motivated me to write this poem:
Don’t Miss the Chance
They said I was lucky my mom lived near,
But she was pretty old and it wasn’t so clear.
Sure, I was grateful for all she did for me,
But I was so very busy. I had no time free.
I had my job, my kids, my own life to live.
There really was nothing left for me to give.
I couldn’t visit often, but I did help out.
I gave money, did chores, and ran her about.
But truth be told, I didn’t like it that much.
The conversation was dull, and she was frail to touch.
She complained a lot and I just felt worse.
I didn’t have time to be handyman or nurse.
I could have done more – of course I could –
But she loved me and she understood.
I know she did because she told me so.
She wanted me to be happy – and I pretended not to know
That she was lonely, uncomfortable, and scared of dying.
I closed my eyes to how hard she was trying
To be brave, independent, and not needy at all.
She assured me she’d be fine even after her fall.
But now she’s gone and I miss her so,
And I’m so sorry I pretended not to know
How much a call, a card, or a hug brightened her day
Or how easy it was to chase her blues away.
I’m ashamed I felt burdened, pressured, and put out.
She deserved more than I gave her, without a doubt.
So if your mom or dad is still with you,
Don’t lose the chance – do all you can do.
Make time, not excuses. Go the extra mile.
Because your chance to do so lasts only a while.
Don’t Miss the Chance
They said I was lucky my mom lived near,
But she was pretty old and it wasn’t so clear.
Sure, I was grateful for all she did for me,
But I was so very busy. I had no time free.
I had my job, my kids, my own life to live.
There really was nothing left for me to give.
I couldn’t visit often, but I did help out.
I gave money, did chores, and ran her about.
But truth be told, I didn’t like it that much.
The conversation was dull, and she was frail to touch.
She complained a lot and I just felt worse.
I didn’t have time to be handyman or nurse.
I could have done more – of course I could –
But she loved me and she understood.
I know she did because she told me so.
She wanted me to be happy – and I pretended not to know
That she was lonely, uncomfortable, and scared of dying.
I closed my eyes to how hard she was trying
To be brave, independent, and not needy at all.
She assured me she’d be fine even after her fall.
But now she’s gone and I miss her so,
And I’m so sorry I pretended not to know
How much a call, a card, or a hug brightened her day
Or how easy it was to chase her blues away.
I’m ashamed I felt burdened, pressured, and put out.
She deserved more than I gave her, without a doubt.
So if your mom or dad is still with you,
Don’t lose the chance – do all you can do.
Make time, not excuses. Go the extra mile.
Because your chance to do so lasts only a while.
Moving Beyond Success to Significance
I frequently address people who are highly successful. They’re at the top of their field and often have all the comforts that wealth can afford. Most of them seem to enjoy their success.
So, in a way, it surprises me how deeply many of them respond when I talk about the difference between success and significance. Invariably, I see knowing nods when I describe Alfred Nobel’s disillusionment when he read his own obituary that was printed by mistake after his brother died. Although it was complimentary, describing him as a brilliant chemist who made a fortune as the inventor of dynamite, he was struck by how hollow and inconsequential his accomplishments seemed as the summation of one’s life. Determined to leave a more worthy legacy, he established the Nobel Prizes to acknowledge great human achievements.
Mr. Nobel realized there’s a transitory quality to success but immortality in significance. A life devoted to attaining personal goals can be admirable and satisfying, but it can be enormously enriched when we use our talents and time to improve the lives of others.
In his book Living a Life That Matters, Harold S. Kushner wrote, "Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it."
If we realize this before it’s too late, we’re less likely to dishonor our families and the legacy of our lives with dishonesty or selfishness. Success just isn’t enough
So, in a way, it surprises me how deeply many of them respond when I talk about the difference between success and significance. Invariably, I see knowing nods when I describe Alfred Nobel’s disillusionment when he read his own obituary that was printed by mistake after his brother died. Although it was complimentary, describing him as a brilliant chemist who made a fortune as the inventor of dynamite, he was struck by how hollow and inconsequential his accomplishments seemed as the summation of one’s life. Determined to leave a more worthy legacy, he established the Nobel Prizes to acknowledge great human achievements.
Mr. Nobel realized there’s a transitory quality to success but immortality in significance. A life devoted to attaining personal goals can be admirable and satisfying, but it can be enormously enriched when we use our talents and time to improve the lives of others.
In his book Living a Life That Matters, Harold S. Kushner wrote, "Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it."
If we realize this before it’s too late, we’re less likely to dishonor our families and the legacy of our lives with dishonesty or selfishness. Success just isn’t enough
The Stars Within
According to an article in The Wall Street Journal, two-thirds of the world’s population, including almost everyone in the Continental United States and Europe, no longer see a starry sky where they live.
The reason: City lights prevent us from seeing much more than a canopy of gray shadows. What a pity. In rural or remote areas with little or no artificial lights, about 2,000 stars can be seen on a clear night, and the experience can be breathtaking.
Whether we credit God or physics, how can we avoid the conclusion that our cosmos is governed by forces that dwarf anything our simple species can muster? How can we not feel like transitory snowflakes in a universe that measures time in billions of years and space in trillions of miles?
At the same time, a star-filled sky can be both empowering and inspiring. It can cause us to ponder the meaning and purpose of our lives, and it has ignited the imagination of poets, philosophers, theologians, and scientists for centuries.
It’s bad enough that the technology of contemporary civilization prevents us from seeing the extraterrestrial stars. It’s worse when we allow the shallow values and frenetic pace of modern society to prevent us from seeing and following the aspirations and principles that are our own internal guiding stars.
Every day we’re challenged to rise above petty office politics, senseless family conflicts, negative emotions, and unbridled ego so we can live our lives large and be worthy of our place in the universe.
We may not be able to see the stars by looking up, but if we close our eyes and look inward, we can find and follow the best within us
The reason: City lights prevent us from seeing much more than a canopy of gray shadows. What a pity. In rural or remote areas with little or no artificial lights, about 2,000 stars can be seen on a clear night, and the experience can be breathtaking.
Whether we credit God or physics, how can we avoid the conclusion that our cosmos is governed by forces that dwarf anything our simple species can muster? How can we not feel like transitory snowflakes in a universe that measures time in billions of years and space in trillions of miles?
At the same time, a star-filled sky can be both empowering and inspiring. It can cause us to ponder the meaning and purpose of our lives, and it has ignited the imagination of poets, philosophers, theologians, and scientists for centuries.
It’s bad enough that the technology of contemporary civilization prevents us from seeing the extraterrestrial stars. It’s worse when we allow the shallow values and frenetic pace of modern society to prevent us from seeing and following the aspirations and principles that are our own internal guiding stars.
Every day we’re challenged to rise above petty office politics, senseless family conflicts, negative emotions, and unbridled ego so we can live our lives large and be worthy of our place in the universe.
We may not be able to see the stars by looking up, but if we close our eyes and look inward, we can find and follow the best within us
Every Good Decision Starts With a Stop
More often than we like, most of us face choices that can have serious and lasting impact on our lives. Do we go along with the crowd? Do we tell someone off, quit a job, or end a relationship? Unfortunately, these decisions are not preceded by a drum roll warning us that the stakes are high. Even worse, we often don’t have a lot of time to figure out what to do.
It’s no surprise that most bad decisions – the ones that mess up our lives – are made impulsively or without sufficient reflection.
Ancient proverbs warn us to “Count to ten when you’re angry” or “Think ahead.” But anger and the lack of preplanning are only two factors that can impede excellent decision-making. Fatigue, fear, frustration, stress, and impatience also create obstacles to wise choices.
Just as we learned to look both ways before we cross the street, we can learn to systematically analyze every important decision-making situation to allow us to arrive at conclusions that are both effective and ethical.
Each decision, therefore, should start with a stop – a forced moment of reflection to help us clarify our goal, evaluate the completeness and credibility of our information, and devise an alternate strategy, if necessary, to achieve the best possible result. Stopping also allows us to muster our moral willpower to overcome temptations and emotions that could lead to a rash, foolish, or ill-considered choice.
While it’s great to have a day or two to sleep on a problem, or even a few hours, many situations don’t afford us that luxury. But a pause of even a few moments can often be enough.
This is Dimeji reminding you to think ahead because character counts.
It’s no surprise that most bad decisions – the ones that mess up our lives – are made impulsively or without sufficient reflection.
Ancient proverbs warn us to “Count to ten when you’re angry” or “Think ahead.” But anger and the lack of preplanning are only two factors that can impede excellent decision-making. Fatigue, fear, frustration, stress, and impatience also create obstacles to wise choices.
Just as we learned to look both ways before we cross the street, we can learn to systematically analyze every important decision-making situation to allow us to arrive at conclusions that are both effective and ethical.
Each decision, therefore, should start with a stop – a forced moment of reflection to help us clarify our goal, evaluate the completeness and credibility of our information, and devise an alternate strategy, if necessary, to achieve the best possible result. Stopping also allows us to muster our moral willpower to overcome temptations and emotions that could lead to a rash, foolish, or ill-considered choice.
While it’s great to have a day or two to sleep on a problem, or even a few hours, many situations don’t afford us that luxury. But a pause of even a few moments can often be enough.
This is Dimeji reminding you to think ahead because character counts.
Every Good Decision Starts With a Stop
More often than we like, most of us face choices that can have serious and lasting impact on our lives. Do we go along with the crowd? Do we tell someone off, quit a job, or end a relationship? Unfortunately, these decisions are not preceded by a drum roll warning us that the stakes are high. Even worse, we often don’t have a lot of time to figure out what to do.
It’s no surprise that most bad decisions – the ones that mess up our lives – are made impulsively or without sufficient reflection.
Ancient proverbs warn us to “Count to ten when you’re angry” or “Think ahead.” But anger and the lack of preplanning are only two factors that can impede excellent decision-making. Fatigue, fear, frustration, stress, and impatience also create obstacles to wise choices.
Just as we learned to look both ways before we cross the street, we can learn to systematically analyze every important decision-making situation to allow us to arrive at conclusions that are both effective and ethical.
Each decision, therefore, should start with a stop – a forced moment of reflection to help us clarify our goal, evaluate the completeness and credibility of our information, and devise an alternate strategy, if necessary, to achieve the best possible result. Stopping also allows us to muster our moral willpower to overcome temptations and emotions that could lead to a rash, foolish, or ill-considered choice.
While it’s great to have a day or two to sleep on a problem, or even a few hours, many situations don’t afford us that luxury. But a pause of even a few moments can often be enough.
It’s no surprise that most bad decisions – the ones that mess up our lives – are made impulsively or without sufficient reflection.
Ancient proverbs warn us to “Count to ten when you’re angry” or “Think ahead.” But anger and the lack of preplanning are only two factors that can impede excellent decision-making. Fatigue, fear, frustration, stress, and impatience also create obstacles to wise choices.
Just as we learned to look both ways before we cross the street, we can learn to systematically analyze every important decision-making situation to allow us to arrive at conclusions that are both effective and ethical.
Each decision, therefore, should start with a stop – a forced moment of reflection to help us clarify our goal, evaluate the completeness and credibility of our information, and devise an alternate strategy, if necessary, to achieve the best possible result. Stopping also allows us to muster our moral willpower to overcome temptations and emotions that could lead to a rash, foolish, or ill-considered choice.
While it’s great to have a day or two to sleep on a problem, or even a few hours, many situations don’t afford us that luxury. But a pause of even a few moments can often be enough.
Tell Someone You’re Proud of Them
An unanticipated benefit of the contest the Institute is conducting asking listeners to tell us how these commentaries have impacted their lives is that my almost 12-year-old daughter Carissa was impressed.
She has seen me write and heard me record these messages her entire life, but there was something about the contest letters that made her finally realize why it’s so important to me to burn the midnight oil almost every night.
I probably should be long past the vanity of enjoying praise and savoring kind words about my work, but I’m not – especially where my children are concerned. Maybe I’m shallow, but I love being a hero in their eyes.
I knew I reached a new level when Carissa asked me, “Do you think anyone has named their dog after you?” That may seem an off-the-wall question to you, but I understood what she was thinking. You see, my wife named our three dogs after L.A. Lakers – Kobe, Pau, and Sasha. To Carissa, the ultimate measure of a celebrity is to be admired enough so people will name their pets after you.
I had to admit I didn’t think I’d achieved quite that pinnacle of fame yet, but I was pleased that so many people do listen to and read what I have to say.
Still, the interchange reminded me how important it is to earn the admiration of one’s children. Having someone you care about express his or her pride in you is an eternal gift. Why not make it a point in the next few weeks to give that gift to all those you know who deserve it?
And if there’s someone you’re exceptionally proud of, name your pet after them. It would please Carissa.
She has seen me write and heard me record these messages her entire life, but there was something about the contest letters that made her finally realize why it’s so important to me to burn the midnight oil almost every night.
I probably should be long past the vanity of enjoying praise and savoring kind words about my work, but I’m not – especially where my children are concerned. Maybe I’m shallow, but I love being a hero in their eyes.
I knew I reached a new level when Carissa asked me, “Do you think anyone has named their dog after you?” That may seem an off-the-wall question to you, but I understood what she was thinking. You see, my wife named our three dogs after L.A. Lakers – Kobe, Pau, and Sasha. To Carissa, the ultimate measure of a celebrity is to be admired enough so people will name their pets after you.
I had to admit I didn’t think I’d achieved quite that pinnacle of fame yet, but I was pleased that so many people do listen to and read what I have to say.
Still, the interchange reminded me how important it is to earn the admiration of one’s children. Having someone you care about express his or her pride in you is an eternal gift. Why not make it a point in the next few weeks to give that gift to all those you know who deserve it?
And if there’s someone you’re exceptionally proud of, name your pet after them. It would please Carissa.
I Don’t Like It When You Lie to Me
Whenever I can, I take each of my four young daughters on an out-of-town trip so we can spend special alone-time together.
When my youngest daughter Mataya was seven, she accompanied me to a speech and we took a train to Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. We had a great time touring and talking about American history, the Liberty Bell, the Declaration of Independence, Abraham Lincoln, and even the first moon walk.
Mataya told me it was the best trip of her life, and I told her it was my best trip, too. She smiled, then looked at me with great earnestness. “Daddy, do you say that to all my sisters?”
You should know Mataya is extraordinarily principled. When she was four, she learned that some of the food she was eating was once a live animal. She decided on the spot to become a vegetarian, and she’s never wavered from that decision.
So her question was like an uppercut to my conscience. I tried to finesse my answer by saying how I really loved every trip with my girls, but that one had really been special.
She wasn’t buying it and nailed me with a family code we use. Whenever one of us wants a positively no-nonsense, truthful answer, we say, “Really, really?” It imposes an absolute obligation on the other person to be totally honest.
She “really-really-ed” me, so I confessed: “Yes, I’ve said that before.”
After a moment, she said, “So you lied to me.”
I tried to weasel out of it by telling her how much I did love our time together, but she stopped me cold with a line that made me proud of her and ashamed of myself: “Next time, just tell me it was one of the best trips of your life. I don’t like it when you lie to me.”
When my youngest daughter Mataya was seven, she accompanied me to a speech and we took a train to Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. We had a great time touring and talking about American history, the Liberty Bell, the Declaration of Independence, Abraham Lincoln, and even the first moon walk.
Mataya told me it was the best trip of her life, and I told her it was my best trip, too. She smiled, then looked at me with great earnestness. “Daddy, do you say that to all my sisters?”
You should know Mataya is extraordinarily principled. When she was four, she learned that some of the food she was eating was once a live animal. She decided on the spot to become a vegetarian, and she’s never wavered from that decision.
So her question was like an uppercut to my conscience. I tried to finesse my answer by saying how I really loved every trip with my girls, but that one had really been special.
She wasn’t buying it and nailed me with a family code we use. Whenever one of us wants a positively no-nonsense, truthful answer, we say, “Really, really?” It imposes an absolute obligation on the other person to be totally honest.
She “really-really-ed” me, so I confessed: “Yes, I’ve said that before.”
After a moment, she said, “So you lied to me.”
I tried to weasel out of it by telling her how much I did love our time together, but she stopped me cold with a line that made me proud of her and ashamed of myself: “Next time, just tell me it was one of the best trips of your life. I don’t like it when you lie to me.”
Friday, July 4, 2008
Learning From History
In a split decision, the Supreme Court recently ruled that people labeled as “enemy combatants” confined at the military base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, must be given limited access to federal courts. Before I talk about the ethical issues involved, it’s helpful to review another major detention situation.
In 1941, a surprise attack by the Japanese government at Pearl Harbor brought our country into war and engulfed the nation in fear and hatred. In response, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, asserting special war powers, issued an Executive Order requiring all persons of Japanese ancestry living on the Pacific Coast of the United States to be forcibly confined in hastily constructed “War Relocation Camps.”
Ultimately, about 110,000 men, women, and children of all backgrounds were indiscriminately imprisoned in facilities that often lacked plumbing and heating. The Order applied to all residents who were at least 1/16th Japanese. Detainees were confined without the benefit of any process to determine whether they were actually a threat to national security.
Three years later, though the war was still raging, a Supreme Court ruling induced the President to release all the detainees. They were each given $25 and a train ticket home.
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed legislation that apologized for the internment, stating that the action was based on “race prejudice, war hysteria, and a failure of political leadership.” Surviving detainees were awarded $1.2 billion dollars in reparations. In 1992, President George H. W. Bush issued another formal apology from the U.S. government and added $400 million in reparations.
There are parallels to that Executive Order and our reaction after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Looking back, who was right – President Roosevelt or Presidents Reagan and Bush?
Is there anything we can learn from this chapter of our history?
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
In 1941, a surprise attack by the Japanese government at Pearl Harbor brought our country into war and engulfed the nation in fear and hatred. In response, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, asserting special war powers, issued an Executive Order requiring all persons of Japanese ancestry living on the Pacific Coast of the United States to be forcibly confined in hastily constructed “War Relocation Camps.”
Ultimately, about 110,000 men, women, and children of all backgrounds were indiscriminately imprisoned in facilities that often lacked plumbing and heating. The Order applied to all residents who were at least 1/16th Japanese. Detainees were confined without the benefit of any process to determine whether they were actually a threat to national security.
Three years later, though the war was still raging, a Supreme Court ruling induced the President to release all the detainees. They were each given $25 and a train ticket home.
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan signed legislation that apologized for the internment, stating that the action was based on “race prejudice, war hysteria, and a failure of political leadership.” Surviving detainees were awarded $1.2 billion dollars in reparations. In 1992, President George H. W. Bush issued another formal apology from the U.S. government and added $400 million in reparations.
There are parallels to that Executive Order and our reaction after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Looking back, who was right – President Roosevelt or Presidents Reagan and Bush?
Is there anything we can learn from this chapter of our history?
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Freedom From Ideological Tyranny
The Fourth of July should be more than a birthday celebration marked by fireworks. It’s a time to appreciate and honor the great democracy our forefathers created, including a profoundly wise system of Constitutional checks and balances.
Conflicting views of rights and responsibilities are unavoidable, but passionate disagreement and debate should strengthen rather than undermine our national commitment to peacefully and respectfully resolving differences. It doesn’t serve us well when our most cherished principles are assaulted under the banner of what some people call a “cultural war.”
The process of refining our definition of liberty in a manner that balances personal freedoms against various perspectives of a good society is continuous and endless. Every decade has seen momentous conflicts involving civil and religious rights, including prohibition, polygamy, pornography, capital punishment, euthanasia, abortion, and private homosexual conduct. In each case, court decisions pleased some and infuriated others.
I’ve disagreed with many majority decisions of the Supreme Court. Still, it’s unwise and essentially unpatriotic to attack the court system and vilify judges when we disagree with a judgment. And it’s arrogant to equate the intensity of our convictions with the likelihood that we’re right.
The issues that reach the Supreme Court are significant. But it’s vastly more important that we have and support a method of peacefully and thoughtfully resolving ideological rifts that threaten our ability to live together in respectful peace.
If we lose confidence in the wisdom or integrity of the judicial process and try to rig it so we’ll get the answers we want, we will all someday find ourselves on the other side of ideological tyranny.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Conflicting views of rights and responsibilities are unavoidable, but passionate disagreement and debate should strengthen rather than undermine our national commitment to peacefully and respectfully resolving differences. It doesn’t serve us well when our most cherished principles are assaulted under the banner of what some people call a “cultural war.”
The process of refining our definition of liberty in a manner that balances personal freedoms against various perspectives of a good society is continuous and endless. Every decade has seen momentous conflicts involving civil and religious rights, including prohibition, polygamy, pornography, capital punishment, euthanasia, abortion, and private homosexual conduct. In each case, court decisions pleased some and infuriated others.
I’ve disagreed with many majority decisions of the Supreme Court. Still, it’s unwise and essentially unpatriotic to attack the court system and vilify judges when we disagree with a judgment. And it’s arrogant to equate the intensity of our convictions with the likelihood that we’re right.
The issues that reach the Supreme Court are significant. But it’s vastly more important that we have and support a method of peacefully and thoughtfully resolving ideological rifts that threaten our ability to live together in respectful peace.
If we lose confidence in the wisdom or integrity of the judicial process and try to rig it so we’ll get the answers we want, we will all someday find ourselves on the other side of ideological tyranny.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
What Did You Expect Him to Do?
One of the highlights of my life as a dad – and having five kids, I’ve had quite a few – occurred on a Saturday afternoon when I was taking my then 13-year-old nephew Paul and his friend Ola to a movie. As we entered the theater, I noticed the ticket seller had undercharged me, so I asked the boys to wait a moment while I returned the money.
This did not please the boys, who were anxious to get choice seats.
Nevertheless, I endured hostile glares from people in line and even an annoyed reaction from the cashier, who corrected the mistake. When I returned, Ola, who was exasperated because the prime seats had been taken, asked, “Why did you have to do that? It was her mistake, not yours.”
I was about to launch into a lecture on integrity when my nephew, who was also irritated, looked at his friend and said, “What did you expect him to do?”
Many years later, this memory is an uplifting reminder of the impact we have on the character of our young one. Hearing from my nephew that he expected me to be honest and knew I expected the same of him was like a pat on the back saying I’d done okay as a father.
My son, still one of the most honest people I know, realized that honesty is neither a convenience nor a choice. To a person who values integrity, it’s a habit.
When it comes to parenting, it’s hard to know what’s working and what isn’t, but one of the best rewards for attentive parenting is seeing something good in our children and knowing we played a part.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
This did not please the boys, who were anxious to get choice seats.
Nevertheless, I endured hostile glares from people in line and even an annoyed reaction from the cashier, who corrected the mistake. When I returned, Ola, who was exasperated because the prime seats had been taken, asked, “Why did you have to do that? It was her mistake, not yours.”
I was about to launch into a lecture on integrity when my nephew, who was also irritated, looked at his friend and said, “What did you expect him to do?”
Many years later, this memory is an uplifting reminder of the impact we have on the character of our young one. Hearing from my nephew that he expected me to be honest and knew I expected the same of him was like a pat on the back saying I’d done okay as a father.
My son, still one of the most honest people I know, realized that honesty is neither a convenience nor a choice. To a person who values integrity, it’s a habit.
When it comes to parenting, it’s hard to know what’s working and what isn’t, but one of the best rewards for attentive parenting is seeing something good in our children and knowing we played a part.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts
You’re Only Cheating Yourself
It’s in the news all the time: Kids are cheating in school in new ways and in unprecedented rates.
One of the reasons is the way schools and parents deal with or ignore the underlying issues of integrity and character. For instance, one of the most popular things adults say to discourage kids from cheating is: “You’re only cheating yourself.”
Of course, cheating damages credibility and character, but it’s also flat-out wrong because it’s dishonest and unfair. Cheaters don’t just cheat themselves. They cheat everyone affected by it, including honest students who are put at a competitive disadvantage and college admission officers and employers who think students’ grades accurately reflect competence. What’s more, cheaters dishonor their families, teachers, and schools.
When we try to tell kids that when they cheat, they’re cheating themselves because they don’t learn the material, we have to remember that most kids who cheat think what they’re asked to learn is unimportant. They’re quite comfortable not knowing the value of X or the capital of Zimbabwe. As to mastering skills, cynical and worldly-wise students believe learning cheating methods is more useful than learning the material.
Finally, it’s dangerous to promote self-centered, cost-benefit calculations regarding cheating in a way that ignores or minimizes the crucial moral issues of honesty and honor. Nearly two-thirds of all high school students cheat because they’re not afraid of getting caught and because they get better grades by doing so.
To address the problem, we must promote virtues like integrity, not self-interest, and tell kids that whether they get away with it or not, cheating is wrong. Of course, it helps if we really believe that.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
One of the reasons is the way schools and parents deal with or ignore the underlying issues of integrity and character. For instance, one of the most popular things adults say to discourage kids from cheating is: “You’re only cheating yourself.”
Of course, cheating damages credibility and character, but it’s also flat-out wrong because it’s dishonest and unfair. Cheaters don’t just cheat themselves. They cheat everyone affected by it, including honest students who are put at a competitive disadvantage and college admission officers and employers who think students’ grades accurately reflect competence. What’s more, cheaters dishonor their families, teachers, and schools.
When we try to tell kids that when they cheat, they’re cheating themselves because they don’t learn the material, we have to remember that most kids who cheat think what they’re asked to learn is unimportant. They’re quite comfortable not knowing the value of X or the capital of Zimbabwe. As to mastering skills, cynical and worldly-wise students believe learning cheating methods is more useful than learning the material.
Finally, it’s dangerous to promote self-centered, cost-benefit calculations regarding cheating in a way that ignores or minimizes the crucial moral issues of honesty and honor. Nearly two-thirds of all high school students cheat because they’re not afraid of getting caught and because they get better grades by doing so.
To address the problem, we must promote virtues like integrity, not self-interest, and tell kids that whether they get away with it or not, cheating is wrong. Of course, it helps if we really believe that.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Whether you’re a teacher, coach, parent, or boss with the power and duty to instruct, inspire, and discipline others, you’ve probably heard this challenge: Who are you to teach me?
Implicit in the question is the idea that if you’re not perfect, you have no qualifications or moral standing to teach, preach, or punish others. That’s simply not true.
Of course, inconsistencies between our words and personal conduct will undermine our credibility and give others an excuse to reject our message, but valid and valuable lessons can still be taught by imperfect people. A gymnastics coach doesn’t have to be able to do a back flip to teach it. Important lessons about right and wrong can be taught by those who don’t live saintly lives.What’s more, people struggling to live up to their own standards can be even more effective precisely because they understand the nature and power of temptation and the ever-present possibility of bad judgment. I often comfort myself with this thought. Despite my preoccupation with issues of ethics and character, I know I’m no paragon of virtue. I frequently fall short of my moral ambitions.
For example, I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry! I want to be healthier as part of my responsibility to my family and others who care about or rely on me. Still, every day is a challenge, not because I don’t know what I should do, but because I love steak and bagels and donuts. Unfortunately, resisting temptation most of the time simply isn’t good enough.
We shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of perfection, but we also shouldn’t wait till we’re perfect to teach what we know and believe is right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Implicit in the question is the idea that if you’re not perfect, you have no qualifications or moral standing to teach, preach, or punish others. That’s simply not true.
Of course, inconsistencies between our words and personal conduct will undermine our credibility and give others an excuse to reject our message, but valid and valuable lessons can still be taught by imperfect people. A gymnastics coach doesn’t have to be able to do a back flip to teach it. Important lessons about right and wrong can be taught by those who don’t live saintly lives.What’s more, people struggling to live up to their own standards can be even more effective precisely because they understand the nature and power of temptation and the ever-present possibility of bad judgment. I often comfort myself with this thought. Despite my preoccupation with issues of ethics and character, I know I’m no paragon of virtue. I frequently fall short of my moral ambitions.
For example, I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry! I want to be healthier as part of my responsibility to my family and others who care about or rely on me. Still, every day is a challenge, not because I don’t know what I should do, but because I love steak and bagels and donuts. Unfortunately, resisting temptation most of the time simply isn’t good enough.
We shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of perfection, but we also shouldn’t wait till we’re perfect to teach what we know and believe is right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
Whether you’re a teacher, coach, parent, or boss with the power and duty to instruct, inspire, and discipline others, you’ve probably heard this challenge: Who are you to teach me?
Implicit in the question is the idea that if you’re not perfect, you have no qualifications or moral standing to teach, preach, or punish others. That’s simply not true.
Of course, inconsistencies between our words and personal conduct will undermine our credibility and give others an excuse to reject our message, but valid and valuable lessons can still be taught by imperfect people. A gymnastics coach doesn’t have to be able to do a back flip to teach it. Important lessons about right and wrong can be taught by those who don’t live saintly lives.What’s more, people struggling to live up to their own standards can be even more effective precisely because they understand the nature and power of temptation and the ever-present possibility of bad judgment. I often comfort myself with this thought. Despite my preoccupation with issues of ethics and character, I know I’m no paragon of virtue. I frequently fall short of my moral ambitions.
For example, I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry! I want to be healthier as part of my responsibility to my family and others who care about or rely on me. Still, every day is a challenge, not because I don’t know what I should do, but because I love steak and bagels and donuts. Unfortunately, resisting temptation most of the time simply isn’t good enough.
We shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of perfection, but we also shouldn’t wait till we’re perfect to teach what we know and believe is right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Implicit in the question is the idea that if you’re not perfect, you have no qualifications or moral standing to teach, preach, or punish others. That’s simply not true.
Of course, inconsistencies between our words and personal conduct will undermine our credibility and give others an excuse to reject our message, but valid and valuable lessons can still be taught by imperfect people. A gymnastics coach doesn’t have to be able to do a back flip to teach it. Important lessons about right and wrong can be taught by those who don’t live saintly lives.What’s more, people struggling to live up to their own standards can be even more effective precisely because they understand the nature and power of temptation and the ever-present possibility of bad judgment. I often comfort myself with this thought. Despite my preoccupation with issues of ethics and character, I know I’m no paragon of virtue. I frequently fall short of my moral ambitions.
For example, I want to be thin – especially when I’m not hungry! I want to be healthier as part of my responsibility to my family and others who care about or rely on me. Still, every day is a challenge, not because I don’t know what I should do, but because I love steak and bagels and donuts. Unfortunately, resisting temptation most of the time simply isn’t good enough.
We shouldn’t give up on our pursuit of perfection, but we also shouldn’t wait till we’re perfect to teach what we know and believe is right.
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Happiness and Purpose
As you celebrate the Fourth of July, please take time to discuss with your family the historical and spiritual significance of the Declaration of Independence and the 56 men who risked their lives issuing one of the great documents in human history.
At the core of the Declaration is the profound assertion that each of us has an unalienable right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Unfortunately, too many Americans believe they’re entitled not simply to pursue happiness, but to be happy. This breeds an “I deserve it” mentality and “whatever it takes” strategies to help them get or keep the things they think will make them happy.
But alongside our unalienable rights to pursue happiness are unalienable responsibilities to be good and decent people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting and going after money, possessions, power, or status, provided we do so honorably. The deeper question is whether the pursuit of happiness is an adequate life goal.
Helen Keller said, “True happiness is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
The men who signed the Declaration of Independence weren’t simply pursuing happiness. Instead, they pledged their “lives, fortunes, and sacred honor” to establish a government based on moral principles. This took character. And character is what life is really about.
According to philosopher George Santayana, “Character is the basis of happiness, and happiness is the reward of character.”
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
At the core of the Declaration is the profound assertion that each of us has an unalienable right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Unfortunately, too many Americans believe they’re entitled not simply to pursue happiness, but to be happy. This breeds an “I deserve it” mentality and “whatever it takes” strategies to help them get or keep the things they think will make them happy.
But alongside our unalienable rights to pursue happiness are unalienable responsibilities to be good and decent people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting and going after money, possessions, power, or status, provided we do so honorably. The deeper question is whether the pursuit of happiness is an adequate life goal.
Helen Keller said, “True happiness is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
The men who signed the Declaration of Independence weren’t simply pursuing happiness. Instead, they pledged their “lives, fortunes, and sacred honor” to establish a government based on moral principles. This took character. And character is what life is really about.
According to philosopher George Santayana, “Character is the basis of happiness, and happiness is the reward of character.”
This is Dimeji reminding you that character counts.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Are you a team player????????????
There are four types of team player:
....Contributor
....Catalyst
....Spoiler
....Blocker
Contributors make up the core of most teams. They are people who get a lot done. They not only pull their weight but their work makes a positive contribution to the team’s goals. In the ideas scenario, full- time team members will all be contributors.
Catalysts are usually people the team but associated with it. They don’t necessarily do a lot of work for the team. But when they intervene, what they do is helpful to the team. Example of catalyst can include team coaches, consultants or senior.
Spoilers can often be found inside the team, though not always. They are people who do a lot of work , but that work doesn’t actually help the team. The team may have to spend fruitless time undoing the works spoiler or dealing with unwanted consequences.
Blockers are usually people outside the team. They don’t have much involvement in the team, but what they do stops the team from processing. A simple example might be that of a budget – holder refusing to release funds that are essential to the team’s work.
Which type are you?
To work out type contribution you make to the team is simple; you can ask these two question.
Do I spend a lot of time working for the team?
Do I have a positive or negative impact on team performance ?
Then lookup the answers in this table:
Little time lots of time
Positive catalyst contributor
Negative Blocker spoiler
However, it may not be that simple. Although you can easily asses how much time you spend working for the team, most people think they are catalyst or contributors. Spoilers and blocker don’t regard their actions as negative; they usually believe they are making a positive contribution.
Whether a contribution is positive or negative is a subjective judgment. Having a heated argument might be seen by one team member as disruptive, but by another as clearing the air and resolving an issue that would otherwise have festered.
The benefit of the above model is not to categorize team members and label them as spoilers or contributors. Rather, it is to raise awareness and facilitate discussion about what types of behavior make a positive contribution to team performance.
Qualities of an effective Team Player
1. Reliability - Effective team player must demonstrate reliability and consistency.
2. Constructive communication.
3. Listen Actively.
4. Function as an active participant.
5. Prepared to share openly and willingly information, knowledge and experience.
6. Cooperate and pitch in to help.
7. Cooperate and get things done irrespective of personal difference.
8. Flexibility – Teams deals with any situation and initiate decisions.
9. Work as a problem solver: Team deals with problem.
10. Treat others in respectful and supportive manner. Treat others with courtesy and consideration.Show commitment to the team, care about their work, the teams work and the team.
....Contributor
....Catalyst
....Spoiler
....Blocker
Contributors make up the core of most teams. They are people who get a lot done. They not only pull their weight but their work makes a positive contribution to the team’s goals. In the ideas scenario, full- time team members will all be contributors.
Catalysts are usually people the team but associated with it. They don’t necessarily do a lot of work for the team. But when they intervene, what they do is helpful to the team. Example of catalyst can include team coaches, consultants or senior.
Spoilers can often be found inside the team, though not always. They are people who do a lot of work , but that work doesn’t actually help the team. The team may have to spend fruitless time undoing the works spoiler or dealing with unwanted consequences.
Blockers are usually people outside the team. They don’t have much involvement in the team, but what they do stops the team from processing. A simple example might be that of a budget – holder refusing to release funds that are essential to the team’s work.
Which type are you?
To work out type contribution you make to the team is simple; you can ask these two question.
Do I spend a lot of time working for the team?
Do I have a positive or negative impact on team performance ?
Then lookup the answers in this table:
Little time lots of time
Positive catalyst contributor
Negative Blocker spoiler
However, it may not be that simple. Although you can easily asses how much time you spend working for the team, most people think they are catalyst or contributors. Spoilers and blocker don’t regard their actions as negative; they usually believe they are making a positive contribution.
Whether a contribution is positive or negative is a subjective judgment. Having a heated argument might be seen by one team member as disruptive, but by another as clearing the air and resolving an issue that would otherwise have festered.
The benefit of the above model is not to categorize team members and label them as spoilers or contributors. Rather, it is to raise awareness and facilitate discussion about what types of behavior make a positive contribution to team performance.
Qualities of an effective Team Player
1. Reliability - Effective team player must demonstrate reliability and consistency.
2. Constructive communication.
3. Listen Actively.
4. Function as an active participant.
5. Prepared to share openly and willingly information, knowledge and experience.
6. Cooperate and pitch in to help.
7. Cooperate and get things done irrespective of personal difference.
8. Flexibility – Teams deals with any situation and initiate decisions.
9. Work as a problem solver: Team deals with problem.
10. Treat others in respectful and supportive manner. Treat others with courtesy and consideration.Show commitment to the team, care about their work, the teams work and the team.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Do You Know That Giving Unlocks The Gates Of Wealth ?
Our beliefs contribute in no small way to the wealth we attract to our lives. From childhood in most climes and cultures, there are all kinds of myths associated with being wealthy. Some believe God has not designed it for all to be wealthy. For others the root of all evil is money while others believe that not every one can be rich so why try? Some others believe money is meant to be spent to satisfy their desires ( in other words, live for today as tomorrow would take care of itself). In the same vein, people in some climes are taught to hold tightly to what they have, never giving. Most times people hold tight to things even when such things have outlived their usefulness. People give out only what they obviously do not need or things that are not usable by them any more. Are all these beliefs true or false?
There is a universally accepted principle that givers never lack and lackers never give. If one does not learn or cultivate the culture of giving right from an early age, a principle of lack is unconsciously unleashed. It should be noted that in order for one to receive, one must learn to have an open fist because when your fist is clenched, you receive nothing. There is this story told of a man who fell into a water well and all efforts to take him out of the well by neighbours yielded no results. This was simply because he had been urged by his neighbours to stretch out his hand to enable them pull him out but he refused to do so. When his wife was contacted, she told them that they obviously did know her husband. She then told them that they should follow her to the scene and watch what she was going to do. On getting to the well, she called out to her husband saying ‘John Darling, please TAKE this rope’. John there and then immediately reached out and took hold of the rope. What does this tell us? John only knew how to receive but not give. He refused to stretch his hand when he was asked to do so even at the risk of loosing his life. What about you?
Are you like John? Are you in the habit of only receiving but never giving? If you are, it is time you began changing. It is time you began giving for that is a major key that unlocks the universal principle of receiving. It is clear that the more you give, the more you are likely to receive. You will be successful when you start obeying this principle. Today, America is one of the richest nations on earth. One of the reasons for this is that young Americans are taught the art of giving right from childhood and they grow up with the giving culture. No wonder, America is today what it is!
It is by giving that you attract more to yourself. The Christian Holy Book says ‘… give and it shall be given unto you, good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom’. The plain truth is that if you do not cultivate the habit of giving hardly would anyone give to you either. In a nutshell, you’ve got to learn to give, have an open heart and be willing to invest in others around you in order to attract wealth to yourself. Whatever your goal might be, you would only achieve it faster when you’re willing to give to others. This will bring into your life other people that are willing to also give to you to enable you achieve success. Note that giving here does not mean senseless giving or the giving of money only. Neither does receiving mean the same.
Our Dear friends cultivate the culture of giving: to the poor and needy, to the less privileged, to charity, giving of offerings and tithes, and see how money would fly to you.
Give it a trial, TAKE ACTION TODAY!
We remain deeply committed to your success,
There is a universally accepted principle that givers never lack and lackers never give. If one does not learn or cultivate the culture of giving right from an early age, a principle of lack is unconsciously unleashed. It should be noted that in order for one to receive, one must learn to have an open fist because when your fist is clenched, you receive nothing. There is this story told of a man who fell into a water well and all efforts to take him out of the well by neighbours yielded no results. This was simply because he had been urged by his neighbours to stretch out his hand to enable them pull him out but he refused to do so. When his wife was contacted, she told them that they obviously did know her husband. She then told them that they should follow her to the scene and watch what she was going to do. On getting to the well, she called out to her husband saying ‘John Darling, please TAKE this rope’. John there and then immediately reached out and took hold of the rope. What does this tell us? John only knew how to receive but not give. He refused to stretch his hand when he was asked to do so even at the risk of loosing his life. What about you?
Are you like John? Are you in the habit of only receiving but never giving? If you are, it is time you began changing. It is time you began giving for that is a major key that unlocks the universal principle of receiving. It is clear that the more you give, the more you are likely to receive. You will be successful when you start obeying this principle. Today, America is one of the richest nations on earth. One of the reasons for this is that young Americans are taught the art of giving right from childhood and they grow up with the giving culture. No wonder, America is today what it is!
It is by giving that you attract more to yourself. The Christian Holy Book says ‘… give and it shall be given unto you, good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men give unto your bosom’. The plain truth is that if you do not cultivate the habit of giving hardly would anyone give to you either. In a nutshell, you’ve got to learn to give, have an open heart and be willing to invest in others around you in order to attract wealth to yourself. Whatever your goal might be, you would only achieve it faster when you’re willing to give to others. This will bring into your life other people that are willing to also give to you to enable you achieve success. Note that giving here does not mean senseless giving or the giving of money only. Neither does receiving mean the same.
Our Dear friends cultivate the culture of giving: to the poor and needy, to the less privileged, to charity, giving of offerings and tithes, and see how money would fly to you.
Give it a trial, TAKE ACTION TODAY!
We remain deeply committed to your success,
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
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